And now finals are successfully behind me.

I didn't exactly breathe a sigh of relief, but I did shrug my shoulders when I walked from the classroom to the sunshine of the day and felt a weight I didn't know I was carrying around fall away. And did that ever feel good. I hopped out to the car and promptly sprawled back in the seat because the feeling of being finished was just that good.

There was shopping afterward, in the way of a new bedspread for my room. I've been meaning to get one for awhile since my duvet cover has an ink streak and some tears in it because of love and use. This new one's very pretty, it's a soft, kind of shiny rose colour with brown circle patterns embroidered in it. Subtle, and it goes with my room, and pretty. I like it a lot.

Now, I'm actually able to sit back and relax for a little while. I can't believe I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow, even if it's only for a four hour opening shift. It's funny what studying so hard can do to your mind, what so much intense schoolwork can leave you feeling and wanting and thankful for. I'm so glad I made it through all of this. No telling what the future will bring, not yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I really am.

I'm going to start using my blog for reviewing books, I think. Maybe that sounds strange, but I thought it wounded like a good idea. I've got plans to read so many books over the summer, and even though I'm not going to start posting my blog all over the place to gain an audience - I read whatever sounds good to me, I don't care who reads my opinions on it - I think it could be fun.

In other words, I'm kind of in a mood tonight. Wasn't before but I am now. Not a bad mood, just a little bit of a weird kind of rut. I'm sure it will pass. I just have moments where I want to smack people over the head.

Anyway, that's it for now.

I woke up to a phone call from my mother this morning asking me what my plans for the day were. When I asked her if she wanted me to meet her for lunch she immediately said yes, and so I dragged myself up, put myself together and went to meet her. There was a stop at Barnes and Noble first (I wanted to pick up something for katernater because I had a brilliant idea) and then we met for lunch. Candice called me when I was on my way so we invited her to join us, and that turned into a conversation about all kinds of things before we puttered around the mall before my appointment.

When that was finished, I was pulling out of the parking lot and was possessed with the wild, insane urge to call Kate, and so I went with that instinct and was luckily able to catch her. It's not always easy for the two of us to get in some phone time because we're always kept so busy, but we were able to talk for awhile. It's such a wonderful thing, getting in some time to chat with someone you care about, to get the chance to laugh and talk about things that aren't quite as pleasant yet only serve to make you stronger. It means a lot for the friendship. I've started trusting people again, and while it's rare it's a good thing and I'd rather have it be rare than nonexistent or something that's given out too freely. No reason to make light of something that I obviously put a lot of value on.

I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the night. I'm content now just unwinding and doing some more in the House/Cuddy thread - because it's amazing, no joke - but I might pick up my book again and see if I can make some more headway. I'm planning on reading the Song of Ice and Fire series over the summer - at least as much as I can - but I have a book that I'm in the middle of now that I want to finish first. I have a thing about leaving books unfinished unless I just lose my desire to continue onward.

I think that's it for now.

It's so funny how things work out. Yesterday I was tired and worn out and worried about this and that and the other, and then over the course of last night all of those things I was worried about seemed to just fall into place. I'm not sorry that I wrote it all out because it does make me feel better to get it off my chest. I try too hard to make everyone around me happy and in the process of doing that I do let myself go 'til last. It's not the best way to live for me, but I do try to be great for everyone else so I guess in a way it's admirable. But whatever the case, writing everything out yesterday? Did me a lot of good. More good than I realized because I just unloaded it and got it out there, and the world didn't stop turning. The people I care about didn't stop talking to me or get angry with me for what I was feeling. So lesson for today - it's okay to write out what you're actually thinking in my case. I didn't know that before, but I should have, and now I know it and that makes it that much better.

I also decided that I'm not going to worry about writing for Amber. If it comes up, then that's great - I'll happily take it on with Kate if we decide at some point we want to go that way, or whatever happens in the future. But the truth is that last night I had so much fun in missingscenemd and I have a feeling there are more amazing things to come - and that makes me happy. I don't have to worry about feeling inadequate or anything adverse there because it's our place, and that just means so much. I sat down last night and was actually writing fic-prompts for Cuddy (I know, right? Weird.) and when it was finished I was happy with it. I haven't had that kind of completion feeling at the end of something I've written by myself in a long time. I always feel that way with Missing Scene threads, but for something that's just something I write myself, I tend to have more worries and fears about it coming along the way. But lately, that hasn't been the case. Make no mistake, I'm not narcissistic or egotistical by any means (anyone who knows me knows it's often the exact opposite) but I did feel good when it was finished, and that's just rare. But it gives me reason to believe that maybe for awhile I was just in a rut, and that I'm coming out of it now. It's amazing what white light will do for your world.

Also, it's video time. Seriously. My brain is twitching with the want to yank open the Mac and get some things started, but I have to get a few other things in the world taken care of first. I have several editing projects to get turned in on Thursday and an exam to take in that class, and the last thing I want to do is do poorly on that test. But I know I'll go in prepared because that's something I actually love to study.

This is a good place to wrap this one up. Again, I don't know what makes it so easy to write here, but I'm not going to argue with it. I like the feeling.

Two finals down and two more to go. It feels good. I like having the law and ethics one behind me especially because it was, without question or doubt, making me into a complete and tense ball of stress. I didn't go into a lot of detail about it before, but I was actually breaking out into a rash all over my face - beneath my eyes, the corners of my eyes, patches on ether side of my jaw and so on - that might well be hives, who knows - and haven't had a good night's sleep in awhile. Where I've fallen into the lucky category is that I've had my mother keeping an eye on me to make sure I've been eating something (did I mention that I lost almost ten pounds? because I so did) and katernater coaxing me out of stressful places and into a happy world with our amazing, wonderful House/Cuddy writings. Those things are definitely helping.

So now I'm finally sitting down for the first time without any real pressure on my mind. I have a quiz tonight but I'm going to take it after House is over. The more I watch it, the more I wonder if I shouldn't try to play Amber a little more, and then when I start considering it I wonder if it'd just be forcing the character on people. Kate and I have an Amber/Wilson private community that we dabbled in a bit and might well do again (as well as our Cuddy/Wilson because ♥ she's great like that) but I don't know. I don't know if it would be forcing it on the people around me. That's not the kind of person I want to be. The reason Kate and I play so much together is because we have so much fun playing together, and because we're great friends, because we've invested so much time and energy and so many good feelings into her House and my Cuddy and all of the great things that have come from them. It's been years. And that's the kind of longevity that makes writing so much fun, makes it worthwhile and something that just keeps getting better. It's the same with warning and her Doctor and my Rose. I still go back and re-read the things we wrote - especially in 51st Century - because they were so good, so well thought out and so well put together.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I'm conflicted over that. I don't know.

I feel comfortable writing over here, a little bit more than I have in LiveJournal world for awhile. Not sure why - maybe it's just the desire for a fresh start. I'll never stop writing in my LiveJournal, of course, it's been around for too long and I have too much fun over there with the people who I keep up with - but there's something nice about having somewhere like this to write.

Admittedly, what just happened on House made my heart skip so I'm going to start dabbling with either a thread starter for myself and Kate or at the very least some kind of prompt response.

Yep, I caved and have one of these now. Put them all together for my most played characters, and we'll see what chaos comes from this wonderful place!